Topics In Thought:
"You are what you think."
This Break Up.
-inspired by my and my friend's current situations

Monday, January 17, 2011

Sitch: A pet has died ... Problem: Your sibling (especially younger) is not taking it in a way you think is acceptable.

Recently, a dog that my friend's family had had for almost a decade died. She was a little upset because she didn't think her younger sibling was handling it the right way. It was as if she was acting like it was perfectly fine that the dog died and that she didn't care. "It's really annoying though cause --- didn't even try to act sad, its like --- doesn't even care that he's dead."
I know her sibling, and I know her sibling's personality. So I thought of a few things that could be going through ---'s head:

1) Your bro or sis could have his or her own way of dealing with it...dealing with it quickly or privately, or through his or her sense of humor (even if you think that humor is zilch) 
2) maybe he or she just had already accepted the fact that the dog was old and might die soon. accepting things like that before they happen really help once you get there, trust me, I know.
3) maybe the pet wasn't exactly her fave in the world.
4) if another pet had just died recently, like it had to this family, the death before could have downplayed the next death. Almost like the first death was prepping your sibling for another one.

There could be so many other factors in why your sibling isn't taking this death the way you think he or she should.

But remember, it's not under your control how others act. Even your younger siblings. Even your older siblings. They could be distracted by other things. Maybe they were being strong for you.

Later, when I was with my friend's sibling, (also a friend of mine) the subject came up. The younger sibling said, "I don't know why, but I just wasn't very upset about it [the dog dying]." So I believe, for the most part, if your sibling is acting like they don't care about a pet dying, they're probably not doing it on purpose. This isn't scientific. It's only one scenario and two different points of view, not counting mine. I told my younger friend about my theory that maybe the first death of a pet downplayed it a little. This same friend kind of shrugged and said, "Maybe." It's obviously not a big deal to him/her, and there was no reason to push it. It was just a random conversation with a friend and I never told him/her about the conversation I'd had with his/her older sibling.

In a case like that, there is no reason to. I would have been betraying my friend (the older sibling)'s privacy, and maybe hurting my younger (sibling) friend's feelings. Also, it's very likely that the younger sibling would bring it up with the older sibling, and that would just cause a big mess.

Here's a bottom line:
Different people are wired different ways. Even if you're related to someone, it doesn't mean that you are supposed to feel the same and act the same and be the same. You're supposed to be different.

Everyone has their own way to deal with things. And unless it's hurting someone else, the best thing to do is just to let it be.

Biggest bottom line:
Let people feel what they want to feel. Even if it seems like they're not feeling at all...or not feeling the right things. Feelings aren't meant to be pushed around and squashed. Believe me, I know. Feelings are supposed to be felt.

So feel and let others feel.


Work In Progress Report

I made this a while ago, and I have research panned out .... but I've been forgetting about the research.

But wheneer something comes up that I think is advice-worthy, I'll try to remember to post it on here...even if I don't get the research stuff posted for a while.